When my daughter was born, we decided she would sleep in her own room from the very beginning. Her sleep was so light—or sometimes nonexistent—that we took turns sleeping in her room, hoping to keep her calm and help her settle. Yet, night after night, we found ourselves waking up repeatedly to soothe her. Between her light sleep and our attempts to respond quickly, none of us were getting the rest we needed. It was exhausting for all of us, especially our daughter, who was missing out on quality sleep.
By six months, we felt something had to change, so we decided to try sleep training and let her sleep alone in her room. The first nights were tough, but after that, we saw a huge difference. She began sleeping through the night, and her development skyrocketed. Almost instantly, we saw the benefits of restful, uninterrupted sleep. She seemed happier, more alert, and more engaged during the day.
As she grew, we did experience a few sleep regressions, where she suddenly started waking again during the night. Each time, we had to reintroduce sleep training to help her get back to sleeping through the night. Although it took patience, the consistency paid off, and her sleep would settle back into a peaceful, uninterrupted pattern.
Of course, there have been times when she experienced nightmares or woke up in the night with some anxiety. But when we balance it all, the benefits of better overall sleep and fewer interruptions in her own room far outweigh these occasional challenges.
Pros and cons of room-sharing
Pros for room sharing
• Enhanced sense of security: Sharing a room can foster a sense of security for babies who feel more comfortable with a parent nearby. This can reduce nighttime anxiety and help with self-soothing.
• Easier to respond to needs: Room-sharing allows parents to respond quickly to a baby’s needs, which can be helpful during illness or teething, when children may wake more frequently.
• Family bonding: Some families find that sharing a room strengthens the family bond, creating a comforting atmosphere that builds emotional resilience.
Cons for room sharing
• Disrupted sleep: Some babies, especially light sleepers, wake more frequently with a parent nearby due to noises or movement. In our experience, being close to us made our daughter more likely to wake and seek attention.
• Increased dependency: Room-sharing can unintentionally create sleep associations, where the baby expects parental presence to fall back asleep, making independent sleep harder to establish.
• Less restful sleep for parents: Sharing a room often means parents have interrupted sleep as well, which can impact overall family well-being.
Pros and cons of independent sleep
Pros of independent sleep
• Better sleep quality: Independent sleep often leads to fewer wake-ups and more consolidated sleep, as babies aren’t disturbed by parental movement or sounds.
• Fosters independence: Sleeping alone can help babies develop a sense of independence, learning to self-soothe and fall asleep without parental assistance.
• Improves parental sleep: Parents often sleep better with fewer nighttime disturbances, which supports better mental and physical health for the whole family.
Cons of independent sleep
• Initial adjustment: Moving a baby to their own room can require an adjustment period, where they may initially wake more as they adapt to sleeping solo.
• Possible nighttime anxiety: Some babies may experience separation anxiety, leading to a phase of more frequent wake-ups or bedtime resistance as they get used to the new arrangement.
When to make the transition?
Deciding the right time to move your baby to their own room often depends on family circumstances, sleep habits, and the baby’s development. Here are some general guidelines and considerations for making the move:
• AAP Recommendations: The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends room-sharing (but not bed-sharing) for at least the first six months, ideally up to one year, as it can reduce the risk of SIDS. After that, many babies are developmentally ready to sleep independently (AAP, 2016).
• 6 to 12 Months: After six months, babies tend to be more capable of sleeping through the night without feeding, which may make the transition easier. By this stage, many families find it beneficial to try independent sleep, as babies are less dependent on parental presence at night.
• Signs of readiness: Some babies may show signs of readiness, like the ability to self-soothe, falling asleep on their own, or sleeping longer stretches without needing nighttime assistance.
Is readiness necessary?
In many cases, babies may not show specific signs of being “ready” to sleep independently, especially if they’re used to room-sharing. My daughter, for example, didn’t sleep through the night or show signs of readiness until we introduced sleep training. The structure and routine helped her learn to sleep on her own, even if it initially felt unfamiliar.
How to make the transition?
If you’re ready to transition your baby to independent sleep, here are some steps that can ease the process:
1. Start with naps: Try having your baby nap in their own room. This can help them adjust gradually to the new space before tackling full nights.
2. Establish a consistent bedtime routine: A predictable bedtime routine—like bath time, reading a book, and dimming the lights—helps signal to your baby that it’s time for sleep and can reduce bedtime resistance.
3. Introduce a comfort item: Allowing a favorite stuffed animal or blanket can help them feel more secure when sleeping alone. These items can act as transitional objects, providing comfort without needing your physical presence.
4. Be consistent: Babies often adjust better with consistency. Stick to the new sleeping arrangement, even if there’s some initial pushback. This helps establish new expectations around sleep. Think about using a sleep training method. We used Ferber method and later on The Chair method.
5. Use positive reinforcement: Praising them for sleeping independently or using a reward system can make the transition more positive and motivate your baby to embrace their new sleep setup.
6. Expect an adjustment period: It’s normal for babies to have some resistance to the change. Try to be patient and give it a few weeks to see if their sleep settles. Adjusting to independent sleep often takes time, but with consistency, most babies will adapt.
Final thoughts
Ultimately, every family’s approach will be unique. Some families may prefer room-sharing longer, while others, like ours, find that independent sleep best meets everyone’s needs.
Sources
• Sadeh, A. (2005). Developmental Neuropsychology. Studies on children’s nighttime anxiety and room-sharing.
• Middlemiss, W., et al. (2012). Infant and Child Development. Research on family bonding and room-sharing.
• Cortesi, F., et al. (2010). Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine. Insights on sleep associations and room-sharing.
• Mindell, J. (2010). Sleep Medicine Reviews. Benefits of independent sleep and sleep quality in children