Many parents ask me why some children can sleep through the night while others don’t. Why do some require sleep training while others seem to naturally fall into a sleep routine? And why do some babies seem to know how to soothe themselves from birth while others struggle? Aren’t we all built equal from this perspective?
TL;DR: We are all made different—neurologically, temperamentally, and in sensitivity—but parents’ responses can also play a crucial role in shaping a child’s sleep habits.
Are all children built equal when it comes to sleep?
While all children share the same basic physiological needs, they aren’t all the same when it comes to sleep. Just as children differ in their temperaments, personalities, and developmental timelines, they also differ in how they sleep. Several factors contribute to these differences:
- Neurological development:
- Why does it matter? Neurological development plays a key role in a child’s sleep patterns. Some children are born with more mature nervous systems that enable them to transition between sleep cycles smoothly. These children may naturally sleep for longer stretches at night because their brains can more easily regulate sleep and wakefulness.
- What does this mean? However, not all children’s nervous systems develop at the same pace. A child with a less mature nervous system might wake more frequently during the night as they struggle to transition between light and deep sleep. This is a normal part of development, and many children will grow out of it as they mature.
- Sleep associations and habits:
- Why do some children need sleep training? Sleep associations are conditions or habits that a child associates with falling asleep. For example, if a baby is always rocked or fed to sleep, they may come to rely on these actions to fall back asleep when they wake during the night. In contrast, a child who falls asleep independently—without relying on external cues—may be more likely to sleep through the night because they can soothe themselves back to sleep without assistance.
- What does this mean? Some children require sleep training to help them learn to fall asleep independently and break their reliance on certain sleep associations. However, other children may naturally develop the ability to self-soothe without formal training.
- Feeding patterns and hunger:
- Why do some babies sleep through the night without needing nighttime feedings? Hunger is a common reason for night wakings, particularly in younger infants with small stomachs. However, as babies grow and begin to consume more calories during the day, they may no longer need to feed at night. This can naturally lead to longer stretches of sleep.
- What does this mean? Some babies may continue to wake out of habit or because they associate feeding with sleep. Others may sleep through the night as they adjust to getting their nutritional needs met during the day.
- Temperament and individual differences:
- Why do some children naturally soothe themselves from birth? Temperament plays a significant role in how a child handles sleep. Some babies are naturally more laid-back and able to self-soothe, while others may be more sensitive and require more parental support to fall asleep and stay asleep.
- What does this mean? Just as some adults are light sleepers while others can sleep through anything, children also have individual differences in how they respond to stimuli, how easily they fall asleep, and how long they stay asleep.
Why don’t all children sleep through the night?
If neurological development, sleep associations, feeding patterns, and temperament all play a role, it becomes clear that not all children are built the same when it comes to sleep. But what about those who struggle to sleep through the night?
- Parental response:
- Why does my response matter? How parents respond to a child’s nighttime waking can significantly influence sleep patterns. Contrary to the instinct many parents feel to immediately react to their baby’s cries by feeding or picking them up, it’s often the opposite approach—giving the baby a chance to self-soothe—that teaches them how to fall back asleep on their own.
- What does this mean? We are naturally wired to respond to our baby’s cries, but not all cries are equal. Some, like those indicating hunger or pain, require immediate attention. Others, like a meltdown over a lost toy, might be less urgent and are opportunities for the baby to learn to calm themselves.
- Sensitivity to stimuli:
- What’s the issue? Some children are more sensitive to their environment, which means they may wake more easily in response to noise, light, or changes in temperature. These children might have more difficulty sleeping through the night, even if they’ve developed the ability to self-soothe.
- What does this mean? Parents can help by creating a consistent sleep environment that minimizes disruptions and helps the child feel secure throughout the night.
- Health and medical conditions:
- Could there be an underlying issue? In some cases, underlying health conditions like sleep apnea, reflux, or colic can interfere with a child’s ability to sleep through the night. These conditions might cause discomfort or disrupt breathing, leading to more frequent wakings.
- What does this mean? If sleep issues persist, it’s always a good idea to discuss them with a pediatrician to rule out any medical causes.
- Impact of sleep regressions:
- What about developmental milestones? Sleep regressions often occur during periods of significant developmental milestones, such as learning to crawl, walk, or talk. These milestones can temporarily disrupt a child’s sleep patterns, leading to more frequent wakings. However, these regressions are usually short-lived, and sleep patterns typically improve once the milestone is achieved.
- What does this mean? Understanding that sleep regressions are a normal part of development can help parents manage their expectations and provide the support their child needs during these times.
Read more on what are childrens’ common sleep problems and how to solve them.